Day 281...

Well, the “allergies” the last couple of weeks were really strep throat. Yikes… Everything is looking up now since the addition of antibiotics. When you are as busy as I am, a bout with strep throat throws off your routine completely and sets you back. I’m working on getting caught up on my commitments and getting back into my routine. I’m just taking it one day at a time. I plan to be back to my regular exercise routine next week. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

This past weekend, I had Justin bring down a box of old clothes from the attic. I kept some of my smaller clothes from the time I lost weight almost ten years ago. I guess I hung on to those clothes with the hopes that I would get back into them fairly quickly. Really, the only purpose they served was as a reminder that I had failed once again. I’ve lost and gained weight my entire life. If there was a career to be made out of that, I would probably do very well. I probably shouldn’t have kept those clothes. No one needs to beat themselves up with a constant reminder of their weaknesses. At least I packed the clothes away rather than leaving them where they were visible.

Regardless, I sifted through the clothes, hopeful that a pair of the jeans might fit. Much to my surprise, I could easily slide on one of the pairs. Not everything in the box fit, and I have another box of even smaller clothes. But, to fit into something I haven’t worn in eight years is quite the accomplishment. The further along I get on my journey, the harder it is to lose weight, to stay focused, and to see continued results. It’s exciting to watch my waistline continue to slim, especially during such a stressful time in life.

The best part about my week though was the visit to the clinic for my strep meds. When the doctor took my blood pressure and she read back a normal reading, I was quite happy. I’ve been on high blood pressure medication before, and with diet and exercise, was able to come off of it. It wasn’t too long after that, that my readings were starting to get high again, as my lifestyle reverted back to one of bad habits. One of the reasons I started this journey was to work on my health. No one wants to be on medication, especially if there is something you can do to avoid it.

All in all, the journey is still going well. Since I’ve been in a bit of a slump lately, I decided to make a new goal. I hope to lose another 14 pounds by mid-January (my one year mark). That will round “my number” out to an even 60. This slow-steady journey is what everyone should strive to do. It gives you time to make mistakes, learn about yourself, and fix the real problems behind the weight gain. I’m looking forward to my anniversary because I plan to really stop and reflect on what a life-changing year I have experienced.

You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. (1 John 4:4)

Day 274...

I don’t think I have anything all that inspiring to say this week. I’ve been participating in my bi-annual bout with allergies for the last several days. I’ve been praying to God for sleep in lieu of nightly coughing binges and working ten hour days instead of exercising…No, I haven’t gotten back to exercising yet. I’m just trying to survive right now. I’m still eating right, but my current work schedule and this sickness are not allowing me to get back to the exercise just yet. I’m not giving up…just waiting for the smoke to clear.

I’ve told people before that I think sometimes God “makes” us take a break. He might be doing that for me with these allergies right now. I’ve stepped away from extra commitments, chores, and stressors for a few days. It feels nice to give yourself a “free pass” to just sit on the couch and watch tv. Usually, my day looks like…work all day, cook dinner, do laundry, Bible lesson, go to bed. There’s not a lot of time left to relax. So, just until I feel better, I am giving myself permission to rest. So, I’ll keep this post short and jump right on it.

Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers. (3 John 1:2) 

Day 267...

I haven’t formally exercised in a couple of weeks. I’ve had to start work early several days in the last couple of weeks, which makes it difficult to get up even earlier and exercise. I’ve also had some busy days in general. Justin and I were at an outdoor music festival this weekend, so I got plenty of exercise from mile-and-a-half walks twice a day and standing for unlimited hours every day to watch the musicians play. That helps me feel good since it reminds me of my new active lifestyle. I’m hoping I can muster up the energy to get up tomorrow morning and squeeze my exercise in.

The great thing about the place I’m in now is that I don’t beat myself up anymore when life happens. In the past, I would think of myself as weak when I didn’t have the “willpower” to get my workout in. The only thing I really need to concern myself with now is that I don’t let too much time pass before I get back to it. It is true that I won’t lose much weight if I don’t exercise, but eating healthy even if I can’t exercise ensures I maintain my weight loss.

I’ve completely given up the “all or nothing” mentality that has set me back in the past. Some days I don’t exercise. Some days I don’t eat very healthy. Some days I don’t drink much water. But, there are other days when I get it all just right. I don’t dwell on any of it. I just do the best I can. I recognize that I am no longer dependent on food, and the progress that I have made reminds me that I don’t want to go back to where I’ve been. I do have to keep that in the back of my mind and stay focused so I don’t lose sight of my goal. It’s so easy to slide back into old ways, especially when life gets super stressful. With this in mind, I try to keep my stress level down and focus on God’s promises. Without His help, I never would have made it this far. He truly is an awesome God.

You, God, are awesome in your sanctuary; the God of Israel gives power and strength to His people. Praise be to God! (Psalm 68:35)

Day 260...

Life is hard, so I eat food. The most difficult part of this journey is learning to cope with my feelings rather than eating them. Life doesn’t work out the way you plan. Some days are terrible and life changing. But, I’ve begun to realize that I will never ever be able to control those outside factors. I will never be able to predict the future or how things will work out. But, I can choose to live healthy and make good choices when it comes to the foods I eat, the amount I eat, and being active.

Recently, I noticed that diet and exercise are no longer in the forefront of my mind. Somewhere along the way I made the transition to a healthy lifestyle. I observed, I imitated, and now I’m walking. My choices are second nature to me now. This doesn’t mean my work is done. It just means that I’ve turned over a new leaf and have made much more progress on this journey than I’ve ever made in any of my weight-loss attempts in the past.

The last several months I’ve been praying for some changes, a few new directions. I’ve been asking God to guide me and bring me peace. Nothing has really been working out or moving forward, causing a lot of frustration and anxiety. It’s hard when what you want isn’t happening the way you always hoped it would. Justin and I have worked for everything we have, keeping good heads on our shoulders and allowing God the time to work out whatever it is He has in store for us. He’s led us safely through each obstacle we’ve faced together and brought us out better than ever. That doesn’t mean we’ve always been patient about things, but we have tried to keep our eyes open.

Strong faith doesn’t mean you don’t face hardships. It just means that you realize you don’t have to worry. God tells us not to worry about tomorrow because today has enough worries of its own. Yesterday, Justin got the news that he is going to lose his job. His company is laying off 900 employees within the next six months, and he will be one of those people. He is our bread-winner. We were shaken for a minute, but it didn’t take long for us to see that God has put us in a great place to face this trial. I have a job. He will have severance pay. We have a bit of money saved up that we were hoping to use on a down payment for a house, but we haven’t been able to find the right place. Coincidence? I doubt it.

Only time will tell how this new adventure will play out. I choose to stay away from food and put my trust in the Lord. Justin has an amazing attitude about the whole thing, staying positive and looking forward to new possibilities. He’s a great example for me, especially when my tendency is to see the negative side of things. God never gives you more than you can handle, but sometimes it seems like he is stacking your plate just about as full as possible. Those are the times I choose to believe He is making me stronger and preparing me for something wonderful. I pray that I use this period of unknowns in my life to lean more on the Lord and allow myself to be the clay that He (as the potter) needs for His work to be something beautiful.

Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand. (Isaiah 64:8)

Day 253...

Okay, so I took a summer off…All I can say is I’ve been busy. I’ve also been troubled, torn, broken, and bruised. I feel like I’m just now “coming of age” at the ripe ‘ol age of 31. I have been struggling with some important decisions in my life, enduring a few let-downs, and have been adding more to my spiritual plate in an attempt to become the Christian God wants me to be. The baby shower I talked about in my last blog post was thrown on June 1^st. It was wonderful and magical and everything I wanted it to be. I even surprised myself a bit. But, what I hadn’t prepared for was the fact that I was going to have to throw that baby shower less than 24 hours after the passing of my grandmother. I can’t tell you exactly what that does to you because I haven’t quite figured it out myself, but it changed me, changed my perspective, changed my attitude, changed my heart.

I had been stressing the week leading up to the baby shower…so many things left to do. By the morning of May 31^st, I had 95% of the preparation done. I began my half day of work, and it wasn’t long before I got the phone call that no one wants to get. My grandmother had been in the hospital for a month battling an illness that the doctors just couldn’t figure out. My mother had been by her side the whole time, and I was worried about them both. My mom called to let me know that my grandma’s organs were shutting down and the doctors couldn’t do anything else for her. This was it…she was going to leave this world, and I would never hug, laugh with or have another conversation with my Nannie ever again. In that moment, nothing else mattered, but very quickly thereafter, I knew that I was about to face the biggest emotional challenge of my life. My last living grandparent was soon going to pass from this life, and I was powerless. So, I focused on what I could control. I finished up my work, and I got on the road, as was already planned for the baby shower. I was half way to my destination when I got the message that really shook me. “It won’t be long now.” My mind was only on one thing, getting to my grandma and to my mom before it was too late.

By the grace of God, I made it to the hospital 15 minutes before my grandma passed. I will always believe that she was waiting for me. We had a special relationship, me and my Nannie. I adored her and looked up to her so much. I thank God we had so many wonderful memories together because that is all that’s left when someone leaves this life. The next best thing to my mother was gone, and I had to be strong for my mother now. She had been strong for my grandma for a very long time, so she gave me a great example. My next step was to keep it together to make it through my next task, the baby shower. As the baby shower came and I watched the last gift my grandmother would ever give go to my best friend, I couldn’t help but be sad that she won’t be here for my future baby showers or more importantly, to see my children grow up.

I’ve been a little broken ever since. A dark cloud just lingers over you as you try to piece your days together with the loss of someone that meant so much to you. Four months later, it still stings. I analyze my life and ask myself if I’m making the best of it, living it to the fullest. As I ask for God’s help in my life decisions, I find that His answers are not clear. Sometimes we just have to keep on keeping on until He shows us the way. That’s where I’m at now. I just keep my knees bent, my eyes open, and my heart guarded. A loss in life is a vulnerable time when reverting back to old habits and eating for comfort sounds really good. I did give myself a break for a little while. I mean if there was ever a time in life to eat a plate of three different kinds of cake, I suppose this was it. I did find that my shrunken stomach would become full rather quickly, and it was hard for me to consume as much as I wanted. I quickly jumped back on the wagon and fought temptation all summer long with visits, birthdays, vacations, and every reason in between to splurge. I maintained my weight loss all summer and just lost my 45^th pound last week. This is exactly why it’s so important to make a lifestyle change…because when life gets unbearable, you can still maintain control. Now that I’ve lived through it, I can testify to it. God is faithful every day!

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

Day 162...

I took a seven week hiatus from the blog. I didn't exactly know I was going to do it until life just made it necessary. The first thing that pulled me away was my best friend's baby shower. As the best friend, I have been looking forward to throwing this baby shower for a very long time. My best friend and I have been friends since we were 15 years old. There was no way I could let her down and throw a less-than-epic shower. So, I've been planning this thing since I found out she had a baby on the way at Christmas last year. It took a great deal of time for all of my ideas to come together and for my vision to appear. To make this jungle safari baby shower happen, I had to give something up, especially since I was making the vast majority of the decorations.

The baby shower preparation took a great deal of my time and energy for the entire month of May. The fact that I was able to deal with the stress and continue to lose weight was quite an accomplishment for me. By the end of May, I had lost a total of 39 pounds. Being able to handle stressful situations without turning to food is my biggest struggle. Somehow, over the passing months, God hasn't taken away that struggle but has equipped me to deal with it. That is something that can only come from the grace of God. As the days passed and the to-do's were checked off of my list one-by-one, I began to look forward to the day ahead. Mostly, I was just looking forward to the look on my friend's face when she walked into the room.

One of my greatest joys is to see someone smile as a result of something I've done. I wonder if God feels the same way. I also wonder if He's hurt when we don't see the beauty in what He's created for us. I think as we get busy in our lives, it is often so difficult to see the forest for the trees. As I got bogged down with tissue paper and animal crackers after long days of work, I tried to remember the reason I was pasting and counting. I was doing a tremendous favor for my friend, and nothing could compare to the joy I had knowing I was that special friend who had the privilege of throwing a party to celebrate her beautiful boy that had been wanted and prayed for for so long. God had answered our prayers, and I was the one that got to share it with her.

God's blessings are all around us. Every day, we must make the choice to see them and to appreciate them. I'm not the world's greatest at it myself, but I try harder and harder every day to do just that. Sometimes, all it takes is a short break from the worries of this world to put everything back in perspective. Life is short, and we only get one chance to get it right. Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I fail. But, the most important thing is that I never give up and never stop trying to do what is right.
  
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. (James 1:17)

Day 113...

I can't control how other people treat me. I can't control if they are nice or mean, courteous or rude, thoughtful or selfish, etc. What I can control, is how I respond to those people. Even when they've been mean to me, I can respond with a kind word. When they've been thoughtful and shared uplifting words with me, I can follow that up with a hug. It's much easier said than done when people don't have patience with my flaws to react in a courteous way. But, no matter what my mind tells me, God tells me to respond like Jesus would. I have to choose whether to follow His will or not.

I've been let down a lot in my life, and I'm working to come to terms with that. Most days I don't have a hard time looking past the not-so-kind words of others because I know that I am not perfect either. But, there are days when I'm tired, when I've had all I can take, and I have a hard time letting things go. I wonder why, just this once, it can't be about me. Why can't my good deeds be seen and acknowledged? Why can't the thoughtfulness in my heart shine through just a bit more than everything else in the world? But, the truth is, it's not about me...never has been, never will be. If I am walking this earth doing good deeds, waiting for others to put me on a pedestal, I am not doing good deeds for the right reasons.

God gave me life on this earth, and I owe everything I have to Him. I owe Him my time, my love, my faithfulness, and my soul. I made a decision a long time ago to follow the Lord, but only now am I realizing what that really means and how small I am in the vastness of this world He created. I am nothing without Him, and I must remember that every day of my life. With every morsel of food I put in my mouth, with every step of exercise, with every Bible lesson studied, with every prayer I pray, in every single thing I do, I must remember that I have not been promised anything, and God decides what my future holds. When I take a moment to pause and look at the big picture, there is no doubt in my mind that I should react with every wonderful quality of Jesus no matter what struggle has been set before me.

He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked. (1 John 2:6)