Day 288...

God provides. That is what I have learned this week. He provides the essentials (which we shouldn't take for granted), but He also provides guidance, opportunity, and peace of mind. He doesn't always provide as quickly as we would like or in the way that we want, but God will always provide in the best way, His way. I may never understand why I would possibly think that I have all of the answers. Leaning on God is so much easier than trying to figure it all out. God gives me so much more than I deserve. The least I can do is trust Him.

Growth is a great thing. When you make it to a place where you can see true changes within yourself, it is an amazing feeling of accomplishment. The most important thing to do at that point is to give thanks. I couldn't be more grateful that I have God by my side each and every day. He's been with me when I wanted to reach for another piece of candy. He's been there when I wanted to lash out in frustration. He's been there when I felt like I had no one to talk to. He's been there when I needed to be stronger than I thought I had strength for. He's been there when I didn't think I could possibly roll out of bed and exercise. He's been there when others have been insensitive and caused me pain. He's been there when I have been my own worst enemy. He's always there. We just have to be willing to receive, really receive Him and make Him a permanent part of our lives. 

Everything is not going just like I would like right now, but I have faith that God is helping me grow while preparing me for something wonderful. My job is very stressful, and I don't make the amount of money I should. I am an excellent employee, and I always do whatever is asked of me. I have a long list of reasons for why I think I deserve better, but if God isn't bringing me an obvious resolution, there is really not a lot I can do about it. I pray...a lot! I have recently added a sticky note to my computer to remind me to say a prayer every morning before I start my work day. Generally, that prayer is specifically about work and my desire to deal with whatever comes my way in a Godly way. Some days I fall short but most days, I do think before I take action.

The most important thing I should remember right now is that God is in control and He knows my future. I would never want to settle for less than what He wants to give me. What if my simple desire is just the tip of the iceberg of what He wants me to have? Who am I to stand in the way of God's blessings for even me? A few days ago, I came across a quote on facebook. It didn't have a name with it, but I found it to be very encouraging..."If a problem has brought you to prayer, then it has served its purpose." There is nothing more important than our relationship with God. Sometimes He allows us to go through difficult times so that we will turn to Him. I, personally, wouldn't want it any other way. My only real job in this life is to prepare to go to Heaven, and I can't do that if I don't have a meaningful relationship with God.

Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! (Luke 12:24)

Day 281...

Well, the “allergies” the last couple of weeks were really strep throat. Yikes… Everything is looking up now since the addition of antibiotics. When you are as busy as I am, a bout with strep throat throws off your routine completely and sets you back. I’m working on getting caught up on my commitments and getting back into my routine. I’m just taking it one day at a time. I plan to be back to my regular exercise routine next week. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

This past weekend, I had Justin bring down a box of old clothes from the attic. I kept some of my smaller clothes from the time I lost weight almost ten years ago. I guess I hung on to those clothes with the hopes that I would get back into them fairly quickly. Really, the only purpose they served was as a reminder that I had failed once again. I’ve lost and gained weight my entire life. If there was a career to be made out of that, I would probably do very well. I probably shouldn’t have kept those clothes. No one needs to beat themselves up with a constant reminder of their weaknesses. At least I packed the clothes away rather than leaving them where they were visible.

Regardless, I sifted through the clothes, hopeful that a pair of the jeans might fit. Much to my surprise, I could easily slide on one of the pairs. Not everything in the box fit, and I have another box of even smaller clothes. But, to fit into something I haven’t worn in eight years is quite the accomplishment. The further along I get on my journey, the harder it is to lose weight, to stay focused, and to see continued results. It’s exciting to watch my waistline continue to slim, especially during such a stressful time in life.

The best part about my week though was the visit to the clinic for my strep meds. When the doctor took my blood pressure and she read back a normal reading, I was quite happy. I’ve been on high blood pressure medication before, and with diet and exercise, was able to come off of it. It wasn’t too long after that, that my readings were starting to get high again, as my lifestyle reverted back to one of bad habits. One of the reasons I started this journey was to work on my health. No one wants to be on medication, especially if there is something you can do to avoid it.

All in all, the journey is still going well. Since I’ve been in a bit of a slump lately, I decided to make a new goal. I hope to lose another 14 pounds by mid-January (my one year mark). That will round “my number” out to an even 60. This slow-steady journey is what everyone should strive to do. It gives you time to make mistakes, learn about yourself, and fix the real problems behind the weight gain. I’m looking forward to my anniversary because I plan to really stop and reflect on what a life-changing year I have experienced.

You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. (1 John 4:4)

Day 274...

I don’t think I have anything all that inspiring to say this week. I’ve been participating in my bi-annual bout with allergies for the last several days. I’ve been praying to God for sleep in lieu of nightly coughing binges and working ten hour days instead of exercising…No, I haven’t gotten back to exercising yet. I’m just trying to survive right now. I’m still eating right, but my current work schedule and this sickness are not allowing me to get back to the exercise just yet. I’m not giving up…just waiting for the smoke to clear.

I’ve told people before that I think sometimes God “makes” us take a break. He might be doing that for me with these allergies right now. I’ve stepped away from extra commitments, chores, and stressors for a few days. It feels nice to give yourself a “free pass” to just sit on the couch and watch tv. Usually, my day looks like…work all day, cook dinner, do laundry, Bible lesson, go to bed. There’s not a lot of time left to relax. So, just until I feel better, I am giving myself permission to rest. So, I’ll keep this post short and jump right on it.

Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers. (3 John 1:2) 

Day 267...

I haven’t formally exercised in a couple of weeks. I’ve had to start work early several days in the last couple of weeks, which makes it difficult to get up even earlier and exercise. I’ve also had some busy days in general. Justin and I were at an outdoor music festival this weekend, so I got plenty of exercise from mile-and-a-half walks twice a day and standing for unlimited hours every day to watch the musicians play. That helps me feel good since it reminds me of my new active lifestyle. I’m hoping I can muster up the energy to get up tomorrow morning and squeeze my exercise in.

The great thing about the place I’m in now is that I don’t beat myself up anymore when life happens. In the past, I would think of myself as weak when I didn’t have the “willpower” to get my workout in. The only thing I really need to concern myself with now is that I don’t let too much time pass before I get back to it. It is true that I won’t lose much weight if I don’t exercise, but eating healthy even if I can’t exercise ensures I maintain my weight loss.

I’ve completely given up the “all or nothing” mentality that has set me back in the past. Some days I don’t exercise. Some days I don’t eat very healthy. Some days I don’t drink much water. But, there are other days when I get it all just right. I don’t dwell on any of it. I just do the best I can. I recognize that I am no longer dependent on food, and the progress that I have made reminds me that I don’t want to go back to where I’ve been. I do have to keep that in the back of my mind and stay focused so I don’t lose sight of my goal. It’s so easy to slide back into old ways, especially when life gets super stressful. With this in mind, I try to keep my stress level down and focus on God’s promises. Without His help, I never would have made it this far. He truly is an awesome God.

You, God, are awesome in your sanctuary; the God of Israel gives power and strength to His people. Praise be to God! (Psalm 68:35)

Day 260...

Life is hard, so I eat food. The most difficult part of this journey is learning to cope with my feelings rather than eating them. Life doesn’t work out the way you plan. Some days are terrible and life changing. But, I’ve begun to realize that I will never ever be able to control those outside factors. I will never be able to predict the future or how things will work out. But, I can choose to live healthy and make good choices when it comes to the foods I eat, the amount I eat, and being active.

Recently, I noticed that diet and exercise are no longer in the forefront of my mind. Somewhere along the way I made the transition to a healthy lifestyle. I observed, I imitated, and now I’m walking. My choices are second nature to me now. This doesn’t mean my work is done. It just means that I’ve turned over a new leaf and have made much more progress on this journey than I’ve ever made in any of my weight-loss attempts in the past.

The last several months I’ve been praying for some changes, a few new directions. I’ve been asking God to guide me and bring me peace. Nothing has really been working out or moving forward, causing a lot of frustration and anxiety. It’s hard when what you want isn’t happening the way you always hoped it would. Justin and I have worked for everything we have, keeping good heads on our shoulders and allowing God the time to work out whatever it is He has in store for us. He’s led us safely through each obstacle we’ve faced together and brought us out better than ever. That doesn’t mean we’ve always been patient about things, but we have tried to keep our eyes open.

Strong faith doesn’t mean you don’t face hardships. It just means that you realize you don’t have to worry. God tells us not to worry about tomorrow because today has enough worries of its own. Yesterday, Justin got the news that he is going to lose his job. His company is laying off 900 employees within the next six months, and he will be one of those people. He is our bread-winner. We were shaken for a minute, but it didn’t take long for us to see that God has put us in a great place to face this trial. I have a job. He will have severance pay. We have a bit of money saved up that we were hoping to use on a down payment for a house, but we haven’t been able to find the right place. Coincidence? I doubt it.

Only time will tell how this new adventure will play out. I choose to stay away from food and put my trust in the Lord. Justin has an amazing attitude about the whole thing, staying positive and looking forward to new possibilities. He’s a great example for me, especially when my tendency is to see the negative side of things. God never gives you more than you can handle, but sometimes it seems like he is stacking your plate just about as full as possible. Those are the times I choose to believe He is making me stronger and preparing me for something wonderful. I pray that I use this period of unknowns in my life to lean more on the Lord and allow myself to be the clay that He (as the potter) needs for His work to be something beautiful.

Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand. (Isaiah 64:8)