Day 71...

It's been a trying week. I think the devil's been after me. He knows I'm leaning more and more toward God every day, and I'm getting closer and closer to my weight loss goal every day as well. This past week has been very busy, and we actually talked about "busyness" in our Bible Study last night. So often the devil uses "busyness" to distract us, to frustrate us, to tire us, to try to keep us away from God. To prepare for my Bible Study, there are four lessons a week that I must complete and study. So, I have quiet time with God every single day now. Bible Study on Monday, Blog and reflection on Tuesday, Bible Class on Wednesday, Bible Study lessons on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, as well as church service twice on Sunday. Of course the devil would be hot on my tail, trying to distract me, to use my weaknesses, such as my dependence on food to pull me away from God.

It's not been the ideal week...I didn't lose any weight this past week. But, that's okay because I remembered the words I read in "Made to Crave". "Define your week by obedience, not by a number on the scale." I didn't overeat this week. I exercised according to my normal schedule. I felt lighter than the week before. I never ate in secret or out of frustration or anger. I never ran to food instead of God. And, before I got on the scale, I thought I had a successful, God-pleasing week. This is a series of questions that Lysa TerKeurst urges her readers to answer after a weigh-in such as mine. By focusing on the positive (my obedience on my journey), the negative (the number on the scale not decreasing) was overshadowed. I just figure I'm gaining muscle or retaining water, and next weigh-in, the number will drop!

Saturday got off to a rocky start, just because "plans" are wired into my brain, and when they don't go as expected, it throws off my entire ability to function. It's kind of ridiculous, and well, that's part of my journey, too...I'm working on it! After I got over that meltdown, Justin and I got out and went on an hour-long bike ride around the bay. It was fantastic! I love the fact that we no longer spend our Saturdays laying around watching TV like we once did. Then, Sunday, I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I managed to make it through the day without hurting anyone, but man, was I glad when bedtime rolled around. I suppose we all have our days. I'm just thankful that God lets me start over every 24 hours!

This rough week just goes to show that they all can't be perfect. No matter how much I rely on God, the devil is still working on me, too. I just refuse to give up on this journey. God has been patient with me through all of my struggles, so I owe Him patience in return. He's never given up on me, so I can't give up on allowing Him to lead me to victory!

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. (Psalm 40:1-2)

Day 64...

I'm still trucking right along: counting my calories, exercising six days a week, keeping my stress level in check, etc. It's amazing to me how this time feels much easier than before. I know that it's due to the fact that I've invited God along on my journey. There's no struggle bigger than God. I don't crave much because I satisfy my appetite in moderation. I was even brave enough to indulge in an ice cream cone this past weekend. It's always been so hard to believe that I don't have to give it all up. However, week after week, I still see the number on the scale continue to go down.

I've found that the key to life is balance. There are so many things in life that tug at the little bit of time that I have to offer. From God to church to chores to friendships to family to "fun time" and "me time", it's scary to think I could lose focus of this weight loss battle. For now, it's always on my mind and never leaves me, and that's just what I need. A friend of mine posted an inspirational video on facebook that showed athletes on an obstacle course. As the video progressed, I started to notice people completing these very difficult obstacles, and more importantly, some of them were missing limbs, yes limbs. But, somehow, they were still climbing ropes and running. The narrator Eric Thomas, then said something that's stuck with me ever since, "When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you'll be successful." Wow...what an a-ha moment! That's why this time is different...

I started my journey nine weeks ago. I've lost a total of 18 inches and 23 lbs so far. But, the best part is the way I feel...I am physically, mentally, and spiritually a new and better person. My goal was to find out how to enjoy the wonderful life I've been given. I've realized it's all about my attitude and the way I choose to look at life. It is up to us whether we will appreciate God's blessings or take them for granted. If we dwell on the negative parts of our lives, we will miss all of the happiness. I consider my mission accomplished, but I still have to finish this journey and maintain the lifestyle that allows me to be happy. I still have days where I struggle, and I presume I always will. The journey is not over, but it's going really well! God is good, and He will never leave your side!

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." (Deuteronomy 31:6)

Day 56...

I was busy last Monday working on the last key to my happiness. Really, it is the first and the only key. But, my eyes just hadn't been open to it yet. I couldn't see it, much less receive it. The truth is this key has been very important to me for a very long time, but I didn't realize that I was standing in the way of it all. My own desires and my own thoughts about what was best for me were blinding me. The need I have to so passionately fight for fairness all around me, and the stubbornness in me that actually thinks that could occur here on this earth has been blinding me for so long. I learned at "The Search for Happiness" campaign my church put together this past week that a spiritual approach to God is what will make me happy.

Lasting happiness will not come from anything physical. No amount of money, self-worth, people who love us, or possessions will bring me that joy that can't be stolen. Until I realize that God yearns for me to yearn for Him, I am not close enough to Him to be able to have real happiness. As I continue to work on my relationship with God, to create good habits that will make our relationship stronger, to more frequently talk with Him and read from His Word, I understand what true happiness is. It's not a weight loss goal. It's a sense of peace that only a relationship with God can bring. It's an understanding that no matter what happens in life, God is right there with me, to hold my hand. Just as God went to the garden to find Adam and Eve (who chose to hide from Him because they were ashamed), he is standing in my garden waiting for me to let go of the shame and the thoughts that are controlled by struggles of this world and to come to Him. He's standing there with His arms wide open ready to receive my whole heart, not just part of it.

I am now making a point to think things through before I let the voices in my head take me to a dark place. I think rationally about each situation, and wonder...Is it worth the energy I'm about to put into it? Every day, I get a little stronger, and it gets a little easier. I often have to tell myself that I am making a mountain out of a mole hill. It's getting better...it really is. I'm not struggling as much with a desire for food to comfort me. I find comfort in just knowing that I'm not the only one. For some reason, I thought I was. So many people are struggling out there and are afraid to let anyone in.

"The Search for Happiness" required me to attend church six times in five days. Those five days were right in the middle of a twelve day 100 hour work week. Of all the weeks for an unexpected deadline to hit, last week was not the time. I needed my rest. I needed more time to work on my game plan, to plan my meals, to exercise, to make sure I didn't fail. But, God knew my struggles before I did, and He never left my side. In the past, I would have allowed myself any number of excuses because I was going through a stressful and tiring time, but the truth is, I just didn't need them this time. I can't tell you how amazing it felt to be in control, and the empowerment I felt from making choices that I knew God would be proud of is way better than any slice of chocolate cake. I never once ate outside of my calorie goal or wavered from my exercise plan. I never flew off the handle or made any tiny problems bigger than they were. I've grown, and I'm happy...Mission accomplished!

If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. (1 John 1:6-7)