Day 330...

Last week was troubling enough to make me realize that I still have a ways to go on this journey. I knew early on that this journey would be hard. A year ago, it was all about the food...what to eat, what not to eat, how to avoid unhealthy choices, etc. Now, it's all about thinking...what to think, what not to think, how to avoid negative thoughts, etc. There is a lot of negative chatter going on in my head. Something manifested itself in me long ago determined to keep me down for the rest of my life. It certainly is strong enough to do that, but my God is bigger.

When it comes to the things that stress me out, I have to try extra hard to guide my thoughts to a positive place. When my instinct is to yell, I have to praise God. When my instinct is to complain, I have to spout out my blessings. When my instinct is to put myself down, I have to list my accomplishments. When my instinct is to feel sorry for myself, I have to rejoice in my trials. When my instinct is to put others down, I have to show compassion instead. It has not been easy to retrain my mind, but it is doable. I am making progress. Anything is possible with God.

If I were to ask myself what I do that pleases God and then what I do that needs His reconstruction, I would answer like this: I give but expect in return. I give thanks but complain. I love but judge. I pray but lose faith. I praise but lose sight. I seek but look for the wrong things. I know God is working in my life. It is evident to me every day. I never knew that this journey would be quite so hard. I didn't know that there were so many things about myself that needed reconstruction.

So often when people choose to go on a weight loss journey, they seek only to lose the pounds. In all of the years that I have struggled with my weight, I have always known there was more to it. I knew I would have to dig down into a dark place to get to the root of my hurt. Perhaps, that is what holds others back as well. The goods news is that we don't have to take the journey alone. I honestly don't think I could have done this work without God's guidance and love. No matter how broken I see myself, God sees something perfect and beautiful. I shall continue to press on until I see myself as He does but also until I see those around me as He does as well.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)