In a Hurry...

I’ve realized I shouldn’t be in such a hurry to get a job. I guess I do have the rest of my life to work. On the other hand, our society has a certain standard that everyone seems to be held to. If you don’t have a job, and you’re not raising kids, you’re some kind of deadbeat. Some days I feel like I’m not contributing, others I feel like I’m doing a great job at what I do. I’m so tired of being in this limbo game.

Justin and I have been together for 9 years; I’m ready to have a home and start a family. But, if I give up now and just have kids, then everything we have worked so hard for would be for nothing. It’s not like I haven’t thought about it though. We wouldn’t have two incomes; I wouldn’t have a career. We just planned that these things would be in place when we started having kids. I know, I know; sometimes things just don’t work out the way you planned. Don’t I know it. Everybody is driving me crazy with, “When are ya’ll going to have kids?” Sometimes people should stop and assess the situation. It’s not like my biological clock is going to stop ticking anytime soon! If I want to wait to have kids, then I should be able to.

If I had had a little more help in the ‘going to college department’, I’m sure I would have kids by now. My parents couldn’t help me go through school (something I want to be able to do for my kids). And, Uncle Sam thought my parents made too much money to help me out. So, I had to wait until my circumstances allowed me to do it. So, now here I am; I worked my butt off to get through school just to sit on it now.

I’ve probably submitted 100 resumes and/or job applications. I’m over-qualified for retail, under-qualified for most everything else. I’m so mad that the economy is in such terrible condition‼‼ I had nothing to do with this…yet I’m the one paying for it. Justin and I have no debt whatsoever other than my (go figure) student loans. We don’t live beyond our means. We don’t take anything from the government. We aren’t illegal aliens. We didn’t choose to go to war. We aren’t anything that contributed to this recession‼‼ Yet, our entire existence is affected by it.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m grateful everyday that things aren’t any worse. Some people are homeless and/or foodless due to the state of the economy. I know and appreciate how fortunate I am! At the same time, I know that me not having a job is the one thing between Justin and I having everything we ever wanted! That’s a lot of pressure that most people don’t understand. If I had to choose, I would have wanted this to happen now, whether than later, when we have a mortgage, car payments, and children to look after. But, at the same time, the last year was supposed to be the beginning of our payoff for all of our hard work.

Seeing as I know how God intervenes in my life, when I look back on these days, I’m sure I’m going to realize that that’s exactly what this was…