Monday, March 11, 2013

Day 56...


I was busy last Monday working on the last key to my happiness. Really, it is the first and the only key. But, my eyes just hadn't been open to it yet. I couldn't see it, much less receive it. The truth is this key has been very important to me for a very long time, but I didn't realize that I was standing in the way of it all. My own desires and my own thoughts about what was best for me were blinding me. The need I have to so passionately fight for fairness all around me, and the stubbornness in me that actually thinks that could occur here on this earth has been blinding me for so long. I learned at "The Search for Happiness" campaign my church put together this past week that a spiritual approach to God is what will make me happy.

Lasting happiness will not come from anything physical. No amount of money, self-worth, people who love us, or possessions will bring me that joy that can't be stolen. Until I realize that God yearns for me to yearn for Him, I am not close enough to Him to be able to have real happiness. As I continue to work on my relationship with God, to create good habits that will make our relationship stronger, to more frequently talk with Him and read from His Word, I understand what true happiness is. It's not a weight loss goal. It's a sense of peace that only a relationship with God can bring. It's an understanding that no matter what happens in life, God is right there with me, to hold my hand. Just as God went to the garden to find Adam and Eve (who chose to hide from Him because they were ashamed), he is standing in my garden waiting for me to let go of the shame and the thoughts that are controlled by struggles of this world and to come to Him. He's standing there with His arms wide open ready to receive my whole heart, not just part of it.

I am now making a point to think things through before I let the voices in my head take me to a dark place. I think rationally about each situation, and wonder...Is it worth the energy I'm about to put into it? Every day, I get a little stronger, and it gets a little easier. I often have to tell myself that I am making a mountain out of a mole hill. It's getting better...it really is. I'm not struggling as much with a desire for food to comfort me. I find comfort in just knowing that I'm not the only one. For some reason, I thought I was. So many people are struggling out there and are afraid to let anyone in.

"The Search for Happiness" required me to attend church six times in five days. Those five days were right in the middle of a twelve day 100 hour work week. Of all the weeks for an unexpected deadline to hit, last week was not the time. I needed my rest. I needed more time to work on my game plan, to plan my meals, to exercise, to make sure I didn't fail. But, God knew my struggles before I did, and He never left my side. In the past, I would have allowed myself any number of excuses because I was going through a stressful and tiring time, but the truth is, I just didn't need them this time. I can't tell you how amazing it felt to be in control, and the empowerment I felt from making choices that I knew God would be proud of is way better than any slice of chocolate cake. I never once ate outside of my calorie goal or wavered from my exercise plan. I never flew off the handle or made any tiny problems bigger than they were. I've grown, and I'm happy...Mission accomplished!

If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. (1 John 1:6-7)


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