The real temptation for me is when I'm with a group of people and cannot eat what they are eating. It's not so much about the food but more about the feeling of being alienated. I hate being the odd one out, no matter the circumstances. Since I experienced that so much as a child, I still find the feelings lingering and haunting me. I've found a good explanation for this situation I continue to find myself facing in Lysa TerKeurst's book, Made to Crave. "I've realized when the desire for treats is triggered by difficult emotions, it's not really a desire for treats--it's a thinly veiled attempt at self-medication." An addiction to food goes much deeper than the food. Somewhere along the way, I've made an attachment to food and allowed it to comfort me, to be my friend and to fill a void. I know that despite these feelings, I have to push through and continue to make the good, healthy choices that God intended for me.
When I'm on track, I've got a lot of discipline, and I can make good choices. But, sometimes the devil plays on my emotional weaknesses and uses them to hurt me. One deep fried appetizer on date night or one piece of cake at a party can ultimately screw up all of my progress for an entire week. I've seen it happen time and time again. Sometimes the people who are trying to support me are actually sabotaging me, unknowingly of course. "You've been doing so good lately, why not have that box of chocolates? It is Valentine's Day after all. " Even though I have already made up my mind that Valentine's Day is too soon to indulge even a little, that type of comment can convince me that that one little box won't hurt me, but that's not the case at all. A box of chocolates can take away every calorie I've made the effort to sweat away during the course of a week. And some of you might understand that a week without weight loss on a journey such as this can be torture and ultimately lead to a dead end. And Lord knows I need to stay away from any situation that makes me feel like I should dump on myself for being a failure.
I've got lots of events coming up that I'm not looking forward to so much because I will be faced with unhealthy food. It's much easier for me to stay at home in my bubble where there is no confrontation. But, that's not feasible, so I just take it one day at a time. To turn down cake at a baby shower sounds criminal, but it's something I will have to do. When an alcoholic is working on their 12-step program, you don't take them to a bar and offer them a cocktail. The problem with being addicted to food is that we all have to eat food to survive, so I can't just say, "I won't eat ever again". Unfortunately, the world we live in puts food on a pedestal and makes it the center of attention for any occasion. Truth be told, I used to look forward to celebrations because it was a time that overindulgence was "okay". And by celebrations, I mean weekends, holidays, birthdays, football games, visits with family, church gatherings, etc. I'm sure if I did the math I would find there were as many non-celebratory days in a year as there were days to celebrate. Now, when it comes to celebrating, I'm working on turning my thoughts onto what it is I am actually celebrating. And, this Valentine's Day, I will be celebrating all of the love in my life...minus the box of chocolates!
But he (Jesus) said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)
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