In the Line of Fire...

At first I was excited about my 10 year reunion coming up in 6 weeks. Now, I’m getting a little antsy. What do I have to show for myself? I’ve always been concerned with what other people think about me, unfortunately. I have no job, no kids, and my appearance is not what I hoped it would be. Yeah, it’s a pity party. Bear with me.

Ever since I graduated from college, my life has been so out of control, well my control anyway. I’ve always had a plan: finish high school, go to college, get married, graduate college, get a job…URK(as in squealing car breaks). As you all know, I have yet to complete the next aspect of my plan, not for lack of trying certainly. I was so hoping to do that before the reunion came up; that way I could say, “I work for a large architecture firm in Dallas.” That would give me pride in myself and my accomplishments. I’m often just embarrassed and ashamed of my lack of place in this world. There are things about this life I cannot control, but I do get the opportunity to decide how I handle those things. And, the truth is, what I haven’t accomplished doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’ve made progress!

I think it is no coincidence that as I’m writing this, Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) by Green Day comes on my Pandora station. This song was popular back when I was in high school. Here are the lyrics:

Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.

Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test
and don't ask why.

It's not a question
but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind.

Hang it on a shelf
In good health and good time.

Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial.

For what it's worth,
it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

Wow…God never ceases to amaze me. Now that this whole post seems so juvenile…I have accomplished many things after high school that I have to brag about. Here’s what I’ve accomplished:

• I have an Associate’s Degree.
• I performed with the Kilgore College Band at the Texas State Fair.
• I know some World Famous Kilgore College Rangerettes (haha).
• I have a Bachelor’s Degree.
• I made the Dean’s List.
• I contributed to a piece of art in the Dallas Museum of Art.
• I’m a member of a professional organization.
• God and I are great friends.
• I am married and have stayed married for 7 years.
• I am one part of a truly happy marriage.
• I am an incredibly awesome housewife.
• I’ve lived the big city life.
• I’ve been fortunate enough not to have to borrow from my parents.
• I’ve completed two 5Ks.
• I’ve ridden in an airplane.
• I’ve survived several Halloween haunted houses.
• I’ve made lamps, furniture, artwork, and jewelry.
• I use power tools.
• I write a soon-to-be award-winning blog (hehe).
• I shoot guns.
• I witnessed the construction of Cowboys Stadium.
• I met Hayes Carll.
• I quit biting my fingernails.
• I’ve been to a Nascar race.
• I play in the ocean often.
• I’ve been to many big name concerts, including the sandbar section at Kenny Chesney.
• I was present for the birth of my nephew.
• I played in 14 inches of snow and made a snowman.
• I’ve been to an old plantation house.
• I’ve seen 3-D movies at the IMAX.
• I’ve been to New Orleans and (uh…uhm) Bourbon Street.

My 5 Year Plan:
1. Still be great friends with God.
2. Still be married to my wonderful husband.
3. Have a job that I could not have gotten without my college degree.
4. Have 2 kids.
5. Own a home.
6. Be content with what I have, even if it’s not everything I had dreamed of.

I realize I have nothing to be ashamed of, but every day is a struggle. I know this time of my life is of vital importance to my future. The way I handle it will build the foundation for all of the other challenges I will face. I’m keeping my chin up, trying my best to change my circumstances, and keeping the faith that God knows what’s best.

This is my life as I know it. Guess I’m doing pretty good…